Faith. Destiny. A Higher Power. So
many people build their entire lives on what they believe is a
pre-ordained destiny, searching for their life's purpose, expecting
to find some sort of Great Truth given to them by a Higher Power.
They put all their faith into this, dedicating their lives to doing
good or denying themselves certain pleasures because they believe
this will bring them closer to whatever great purpose they are
supposed to reach. Prayers are offered, sacrifices are made, every
little happenstance is seen as a sign that they are on the right
path.
Some lose faith, some don't. Some
continue on, blindly following what they believe is the “only true
way.” But I've always been fascinated with those that stop
following that path – what happens? Where do they lose that faith
and how do they live their lives afterwards?
How do you find purpose after you lose
faith?
For every person that puts their lives
on a path based solely on faith and destiny, there is another who has
lived a life without bowing to the pressures of sacrifice or prayer.
They don't attend a church or believe in any sort of horrible
afterlife for those that don't.
(By the same token, these people also
manage to live within the confines of law and morality without
religion and spirituality, but that's a blog for another time!)
I know there are goals that folks work
towards – health issues, acceptance of any number of things that
are considered marginal, even physical achievements. But after a
lifetime of working towards something esoteric, how difficult is it
to redefine your vision?
So, yeah – seems like everything I've
done in my life for the last twenty-five years has been with a view
towards spirituality. After all these years, a lot has changed for
me. I'm not looking towards faith or any sort of destiny anymore.
All the plans I had when I was younger are gone, and the big push to
be a great High Priestess is no more. I don't feel the need to
sacrifice myself to give what I can to those around me.
Because you know what happens when you
try to help others? Nothing.
As soon as folks are better, on their
feet, happy, whatever, they forget you. There are people out there I
would have cut off my arm for, gave them everything I possibly could
and then some, helped them through some of the toughest times of
their lives. I've learned that's the quickest way to end a
friendship. So for all that I've always thought was the best way for
me to be, I was obviously very wrong.
It's a strange feeling to be focusing
on my own wants and needs. Is it selfish? Should I care? It's not
like I'm robbing banks or kicking puppies. But I am having trouble
finding purpose and identifying what makes me happy now. I need new
goals. I have some in mind, but they would require a few changes I'm
not quite ready to make just yet.
I know I have a lot of friends and
acquaintances who do not create their goals based on any sort of
divinity or spirituality. I'm curious to know how you come to your
goals and dreams. Coming out of a lifetime of believing in a destiny
is a little disorienting!
PS. - Billy Gould is the bass player and a founding member of the band Faith No More. Just so you know.
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