Definition of Insanity

How do you know when it’s time to make a major change in your life? Do you need a major event to occur before you can set out to make changes, or do you wait for some arbitrary date on a calendar? And how deep do those changes go? Are they superficial, like dropping a few pounds or getting a new haircut, or are they really major, like severing ties to toxic people?

There is something somewhat magical and moving about New Year’s Eve, especially when you’re standing by yourself in the middle of a crowd of people you don’t know, wondering what the hell you’ve done with your life up till now. Times Square, any bar in any town, your own home – it’s one of those things you can’t stop from happening. Time will continue, whether you choose to move with it or not.

I’ve spent a considerable amount of time reflecting on myself, my actions, my f’ed up life, and here’s some thoughts –

I thought I liked who I was, but I don’t.

I cannot build a new life on my old life. It’s crap. So I’m closing the door on the old life and starting from scratch.

I’ve been lying to myself for entirely too long. So have a few other people.

Fenix needs to go. The power I gathered from that name is long gone.

I have a drinking problem.

What brought this about? Really, does it matter? Yes, there were events, but it’s not necessary for the world to know about them. What matters is this person that you know is changing. And yes, I know – we are all changing, all the time – but this change will take me off my current path. I’m tired of it.

Definition of insanity – doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results.