I’m a sucker for all that self-help crap. How can I make my life better? I’ll bet Deepak Chopra can tell me how! Yeah, I’ve got quite a few books on my shelves, articles bookmarked in my web browser, emails sent to me on a daily basis, all telling me how I can improve my life and find a more fulfilling existence. There’s a BIG problem with all of that, though….
These wonderful, grand ideas work – for THOSE people. Not necessarily for me. As lovely an idea as it is to think someone else can tell you how to find your bliss, it’s just not gonna happen that easily. If it did, we’d all be wandering about with goofy-ass grins plastered all over our faces all the time. Reality isn’t that cut and dried.
I’ve spent years beating myself up for all the things I’ve done wrong, according to all these self-help gurus. My relationships have failed because I moved to quickly/slowly/didn’t say the right things/didn’t do the right things/dated the wrong guy/dated the right guy but had the wrong friends, etc, etc, etc….. For every circumstance, I can find some pithy bit of advice that affirms what I did was right and another one that tells me what I did was wrong. It will absolutely make a person crazy! I should know, right?
However….I have learned something from all these people who are so eager to help out their fellow humans. They actually were able to find some little trick or path or something that helped them to a better life. So it would stand to reason that if they can do it for themselves, then every single one of us should be able to do the exact same thing. No one else in the world really knows what it’s going to take to make YOU happy except YOU. Why should you rely on some complete stranger who just happened to write a book to tell you what it’s going to take? Ok, sure, some of these folks have written some amazing bits of wisdom, and some of it is even worth reading and considering – sometimes another person’s truth might work for you on some level, but I think it’s a big mistake to commit to another person’s path, heart and soul, without first considering what’s in your OWN heart and soul.
The hedonist’s credo is “if it feels good, do it.” There’s a lot of truth to that. Recently I’ve been involved in a lot of conversations that generally end up with, “well, two consenting adults should be able to do whatever they want without outside interference.” It’s something to which I very much agree. I tend to think that a great deal of our unhappiness is of our own making – “sure, it’s ok for other people to do what they want….but I can’t.” Well, why the hell not? The only person stopping you from doing anything is you. Seriously! Of course, I can only present myself as an example…..
I’ve had expectations put upon me by other people because of my role as a “religious leader” (a laughable title, at best). I have spent years maintaining this nice little façade of peacekeeper, trying to smooth over any dust-ups between my friends and making sure gatherings go well. Couldn’t have anything disruptive that might make anyone look bad! And most of all, I had to make sure I watched what I said and did so it wouldn’t reflect badly on anyone else. Of course, no one else has ever thought to have the same considerations. So I’ve turned myself inside out, developed an ulcer, had more sleepless nights than I can count, all in the name of trying to create this Utopian Pagan community that I thought we had to have because that’s what so many people said we needed.
What people say they want and what they actually want are two very different things. At least, that has been my observation.
It’s not a popular stance, because people like me are expected to sacrifice ourselves, our needs and our wants for the betterment of everyone else around us. I’m not gonna do that anymore. Like Inanna, I’ve descended into the depths, been stripped away of everything that mattered, and I’ve returned, reborn and renewed, but not in the way most might expect. I’m actually happy this time. I’ve finally figured out what I want, and it’s nothing like what I thought I wanted. I thought I was tired and burned out – turns out I’ve simply been pursuing the wrong path. Thank goodness I figured it out before it was too late!
Could you imagine that? Spending your whole life trying to achieve a goal because someone else said that’s what you’re supposed to do? How miserable would a person be? Think about all the people in this world who do things like deny their own sexuality or work to live their lives at a certain socio-economical level that they secretly despise or refuse to eat carbs because that’s what they were told to do. What is the point to that? We work so hard to make ourselves miserable, then turn around and expect someone else to tell us how to be happy when it’s all right there in front of us.
Follow your heart. Trust your instincts. If you’re unhappy, ask yourself “why?” It’s never too late to find your bliss – don’t wait. Life is too short to be unhappy.
And……go!
