This Point

I often wish there was some way I could capture my experiences and find some way to share what I've learned. Like distill it into a bottle and give out little samples. I don't know if it would do anyone else any good, but maybe if one other person can learn from my experiences, it would be worth it.

For instance, I feel like I've spent years trying to learn who I am and what I really want out of my life. Honestly, isn't that what everyone does? It seems like an intelligent person comes to a point where they look at themselves in a mirror and say, “Just what the hell DO you want?” And, oh, yes, I've read tons of self-help guides from all the feel-good gurus. What I've discovered is, what works for them does not always work for the rest of us. Maybe in some ways all those books and websites and cds did give me a way to find what does work for me, but surely there's an easier way to get to this point.

Anyway, “this point” is what I'm working on today. “This point” kind of feels like being on the other side of a very dark forest (fire swamps and rodents of unusual size, anyone?). “This point” is realizing I'm doing what I want to do without fear.

You know what's really crazy about that? The hardest part was just doing it. I had a gazillion excuses as to why I couldn't do the things I wanted to do. But something weird has happened....as soon as I pushed myself to do just one thing, I've suddenly found myself capable of doing everything. And there has been a very definite change in how I feel, too.

I wish everyone could find the strength to do just one thing they really want to do, but I have no idea how to convince people to try it. I suspect it's a lot like skydiving – not that I have any desire to skydive. I just think it's like overcoming that fear. Once you can do just that one thing, like jumping out of a plane, you find it's possible to do whatever you want.

I do know one of my fears has always been success. There are people in my life who would rather see me stay down and be miserable instead of succeeding. It's taken me a long time to realize that if I do succeed and find my happiness and those people can't be happy for me, then those are people I don't need around me, anyway. I'm sure everyone in this world has people around them that try to keep them on that level of mediocrity. And maybe that's where our greatest difficulty lies – learning to stop listening to those people and learning to listen to ourselves, instead.

Try, just for today, to do one thing you've always wanted to.  Maybe today will be your point.

My One and Only Post on the Election

Ok.

I’ve been relatively quiet on politics for the last year.  It’s over now.  There will be no sudden change to Socialism, Marxism, Communism or whatever the hell people were screaming about last week.  No one is losing gun rights (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/19/obama-guns_n_1985826.html).   God has not struck everyone down due to “the gays” or whatever.

Since the last four years were spent primarily trying to prove the President was unworthy (http://www.rushlimbaugh.com/daily/2012/09/18/our_objective_is_to_stop_obama  http://videocafe.crooksandliars.com/david/mcconnell-stopping-obamas-re-election-still), how about everyone just stop being nasty towards each other and actually find a way to work TOGETHER?  There is absolutely no way this country can move forward as long as people still insist on a bunch of crap that is either only half true or completely untrue.

Think for a minute – way back in the Middle Ages, the Catholic Church had a very handy way of controlling the masses and making sure they got everything their way.  Learning to read or write was restricted to only the aristocracy and the Church itself, leaving most of the people in Europe uneducated and ignorant.  Any information given to the masses came from the Church and the ruling class, so they pretty much just told people what they wanted – like the world was flat, and witches were in league with the Devil and were responsible for the evils of the world, and if you didn’t go to church and give money, you were going to hell.  The Church would make crap up just to scare the masses into behaving, because the last thing the Church wanted was calm, educated people thinking for themselves.

Personally, I don’t think it helps anyone to focus so hard on politics.  Most of that is beyond my reach or even my scope of concern (except when men think they need to tell me what to do with my body – that’s a big NO right there).  Rather than freaking out over something that MIGHT be true or over a bit of information that really has no bearing one way or the other (….he’s BLACK????  Yeah, I’m not stupid – a lot of it was about race), how about we try to find ways to work together and make things better for everyone?

Please don’t tell me we can’t.  There’s nothing stopping anyone from working towards a common goal.  We’ve externalized so much during this election because we were TOLD there were all these horrible things that MIGHT happen.  Um, I kinda don’t care.  It is completely pointless to rail against supposition.  If we keep expending all our energy against boogie men, we will never be able to pull together.  But then again, if we’re all scared of the dark, we become a lot easier to control.

Baby Steps

I know what I did.  I knew I had done it when I did it.  I did it on purpose.  It was completely and totally necessary at the time so I could heal and become a whole person again.

I’m not saying I’m perfect at this point or that I won’t have a stupid meltdown again in the future.  I’m not a super hero.  But the walls --  it’s time for them to come down.

It’s an absolutely terrifying prospect.  The thought of allowing myself to be open and vulnerable with another human being makes my heart race (not in a good way) and kind of makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach.  But I’m a helluva lot stronger now, and I know I can’t spend the rest of my life pushing people away from me.

You know how when you’re younger, you keep thinking things will be easier when you’re older and you understand the world a little more?  Yeah, that doesn’t seem to be happening, at least not for me.  I suspect that’s the case for the majority of people.  It’s one of those things I’ve had to learn in recent years, mostly in order to keep my sanity.  Life is a mystery, right?  The best we can do is find good folks to have around us and just enjoy the ride.

I’m out of practice when it come to dealing with people on anything other than a semi-professional level, so if you are a friends of mine and I come across as rather awkward and weird for a bit, it’s because I’m trying to find my footing again.  Baby steps……