I know what I did. I
knew I had done it when I did it. I did
it on purpose. It was completely and
totally necessary at the time so I could heal and become a whole person again.
I’m not saying I’m perfect at this point or that I won’t
have a stupid meltdown again in the future.
I’m not a super hero. But the
walls -- it’s time for them to come
down.
It’s an absolutely terrifying prospect. The thought of allowing myself to be open and
vulnerable with another human being makes my heart race (not in a good way) and
kind of makes me feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. But I’m a helluva lot stronger now, and I
know I can’t spend the rest of my life pushing people away from me.
You know how when you’re younger, you keep thinking things
will be easier when you’re older and you understand the world a little
more? Yeah, that doesn’t seem to be
happening, at least not for me. I
suspect that’s the case for the majority of people. It’s one of those things I’ve had to learn in
recent years, mostly in order to keep my sanity. Life is a mystery, right? The best we can do is find good folks to have
around us and just enjoy the ride.
I’m out of practice when it come to dealing with people on
anything other than a semi-professional level, so if you are a friends of mine
and I come across as rather awkward and weird for a bit, it’s because I’m
trying to find my footing again. Baby
steps……
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