Sometimes life is a bumpy ride – it can get a little more exciting and fast-paced than what you might actually like, and when that happens I end up running like a mad thing trying to catch up.
So, yeah – hi! It’s been a fun couple of months. Got my youngest graduated from high school, and both boys are registered for college in the fall. Due to our educational needs, we are moving out of the small town and back to the big city. It’ll be good for all of us, and I’m very much looking forward to being closer to my friends and family.
We also experienced tragedy here in the Ozarks. I’m sure everyone heard about the tornado that went through Joplin, MO. Joplin is about an hour’s drive from us – it’s also where my parents were born and where they spent most of their childhood and teen years. I have family in the area, not to mention several friends in the Pagan community.
The toll has been devastating. For those that have been there to help with clean-up, it’s been emotionally draining. For those that are there, their lives have been shattered. But we’re a tough bunch of folks around here, and Joplin is rebuilding. Reports today are saying 60% of the debris has been removed so far and building permits are being issued like mad. A lot has been done, but there’s still a great deal left to do.
So this year, when Pagans in the Park gathers for our annual celebration, I’ll be collecting for Joplin. We usually have a food drive and donate that to Ozarks Food Harvest (or another worthy charity). This year, I’m going to take it to Joplin and make sure it gets in the right hands and helps the right people.
If you’re interested in donating or just attending PITP this year, it will be September 17th at Fassnight Park from noon to five. Joplin will be holding Pagan Pride Day the following weekend. I will be in attendance to both events.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
To Be a Minister
I’ve been working on an essay for ordination over the past couple of weeks, and while I’m almost finished, I really feel I need to take a break from it. I’ve been spending a lot of time delving into my reasons for seeking ordination (which I believe is a very important part of the process) and revisiting my reasons for originally becoming a minister. Oh, yes, I am already a legal minister, but this is for the Interfaith Esoteric Fellowship Church.
I’ve always felt a drive to try and help people in any way I can. I’ve known so many people that were looking for some sort of spiritual guidance and were disappointed in what they found. Just because you stick “Reverend” in front of your name, that doesn’t mean you’re worth a flip as a minister. Or a Priestess. Or a Priest.
I’d like to think that my life experiences have been a boon to helping people. I fully realize there are some situations I can’t identify with and I would be a fool to try and help anyone if I don’t understand their circumstances. The nice lady that did my counseling training told me we were, in fact, very limited in providing any sort of mental health help. Oh, sure, as a minister for a church, I am allowed to counsel as much as I think I can handle, but ethically speaking I would be putting myself in a lot of hot water.
I keep thinking about a certain church counselor in our fair little town that managed to convince a teenage girl she had repressed memories of her father sexually abusing her as a young child. Her father was a high-up in the church organization. He was brought up on charges, stripped of his job AND his own ministerial credentials, kicked out of the church and ostracized by his friends. Guilty until proven innocent, right? Oh, wait…. Anyway, the man was found innocent, the counselor was brought up on charges, and the whole thing just kind of disappeared. I never did find out what happened in the end, but I do remember thinking what a tragedy to put a family through that sort of pain – and all because of a church counselor who did not have actual legal certification. But since she was covered by the church, it was ok.
And that, I believe, is a big danger when it comes to being a minister. Or a Priestess. Or a Priest. A candidate will trumpet loudly about helping those around them or offering spiritual guidance to those seeking it, but dig a little deeper and a lot of times you’ll find a massive ego looking for strokes. Why do I think that? Even for myself, I know it’s nice when people tell me how wonderful it is they can come to me for help or advice or for a handfasting – I have painfully little self-esteem (or self-compassion – seems to be the new buzzword) and I need nearly constant approval. And considering the number of Baptist ministers that have been in my family (and knowing their not-so-ministerial behaviors), I’ve gotten an up-close look at the God-like ego that can come with that little piece of paper.
The really sad part is, a person doesn’t even really need that little piece of paper to act as a minister. All you really need is compassion and enough concern to care about those around you.
Well, I suppose I should get back to work. I really don’t have that much left to write, and I know it would take me very little time to finish it. But I am struggling…..
I’ve always felt a drive to try and help people in any way I can. I’ve known so many people that were looking for some sort of spiritual guidance and were disappointed in what they found. Just because you stick “Reverend” in front of your name, that doesn’t mean you’re worth a flip as a minister. Or a Priestess. Or a Priest.
I’d like to think that my life experiences have been a boon to helping people. I fully realize there are some situations I can’t identify with and I would be a fool to try and help anyone if I don’t understand their circumstances. The nice lady that did my counseling training told me we were, in fact, very limited in providing any sort of mental health help. Oh, sure, as a minister for a church, I am allowed to counsel as much as I think I can handle, but ethically speaking I would be putting myself in a lot of hot water.
I keep thinking about a certain church counselor in our fair little town that managed to convince a teenage girl she had repressed memories of her father sexually abusing her as a young child. Her father was a high-up in the church organization. He was brought up on charges, stripped of his job AND his own ministerial credentials, kicked out of the church and ostracized by his friends. Guilty until proven innocent, right? Oh, wait…. Anyway, the man was found innocent, the counselor was brought up on charges, and the whole thing just kind of disappeared. I never did find out what happened in the end, but I do remember thinking what a tragedy to put a family through that sort of pain – and all because of a church counselor who did not have actual legal certification. But since she was covered by the church, it was ok.
And that, I believe, is a big danger when it comes to being a minister. Or a Priestess. Or a Priest. A candidate will trumpet loudly about helping those around them or offering spiritual guidance to those seeking it, but dig a little deeper and a lot of times you’ll find a massive ego looking for strokes. Why do I think that? Even for myself, I know it’s nice when people tell me how wonderful it is they can come to me for help or advice or for a handfasting – I have painfully little self-esteem (or self-compassion – seems to be the new buzzword) and I need nearly constant approval. And considering the number of Baptist ministers that have been in my family (and knowing their not-so-ministerial behaviors), I’ve gotten an up-close look at the God-like ego that can come with that little piece of paper.
The really sad part is, a person doesn’t even really need that little piece of paper to act as a minister. All you really need is compassion and enough concern to care about those around you.
Well, I suppose I should get back to work. I really don’t have that much left to write, and I know it would take me very little time to finish it. But I am struggling…..
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Did you fall off the face of the Earth?
I realize I’ve been rather quiet lately. There’s been a lot going on in my private life, some of which I will tell you all about, and some of which will remain private.
First of all, my nephews’ mother passed away earlier this month. She was thirty seven. It was very sudden and unexpected, and we’re all doing everything we can for the boys. They didn’t live with their mother – my brother had full custody – and she wasn’t in their lives as much as many of us would have liked, but I can’t imagine it would ever be easy to lose one’s mother. If you known me for more than just a couple of years, then I’m sure you’ve heard a few stories about her. However, right now is not the time to go into details about all of it.
Second, I finally went to the doctor for a check-up and blood work and all that happy crap. It’s been at least five years since I’ve been to one, probably longer. I’ve gained a considerable amount of weight since then and I’ve been having a lot of trouble with a few other things that I thought were because of a wonky thyroid. Well, my blood tests all came back within acceptable parameters, and all the working parts are in good order, so the doctor put me back on my happy pills. That means I’m on antidepressants again. I’m not a big fan of better living through chemicals, but wouldn’t you know it, a month later and things are getting better. Granted, the last year and a half I’ve seen a HUGE number of changes in my life and overall there’s been great improvement in the quality of my life, but once again I am faced with the fact that there’s a problem with my chemical make-up. Don’t know why, but I do much better with the whole “massive depression” thing whenever I take the damn meds.
Third, my youngest is about to graduate from high school. Holy moley, we are busy! There’s prom, jazz band competitions and Spring concerts, parties, the graduation itself, and then his birthday, all within the month.
All that coupled with Beltane this weekend, and it’s all I can do to keep my sanity!
So this weekend, I will be out in the woods, dancing ‘round the May pole and leaping balefires with my friends. I definitely need the get-away to recenter myself for next few months – it’s gonna be crazy busy! If you are able, I hope you can join us soon for one of our get-togethers.
There’s more to come!
First of all, my nephews’ mother passed away earlier this month. She was thirty seven. It was very sudden and unexpected, and we’re all doing everything we can for the boys. They didn’t live with their mother – my brother had full custody – and she wasn’t in their lives as much as many of us would have liked, but I can’t imagine it would ever be easy to lose one’s mother. If you known me for more than just a couple of years, then I’m sure you’ve heard a few stories about her. However, right now is not the time to go into details about all of it.
Second, I finally went to the doctor for a check-up and blood work and all that happy crap. It’s been at least five years since I’ve been to one, probably longer. I’ve gained a considerable amount of weight since then and I’ve been having a lot of trouble with a few other things that I thought were because of a wonky thyroid. Well, my blood tests all came back within acceptable parameters, and all the working parts are in good order, so the doctor put me back on my happy pills. That means I’m on antidepressants again. I’m not a big fan of better living through chemicals, but wouldn’t you know it, a month later and things are getting better. Granted, the last year and a half I’ve seen a HUGE number of changes in my life and overall there’s been great improvement in the quality of my life, but once again I am faced with the fact that there’s a problem with my chemical make-up. Don’t know why, but I do much better with the whole “massive depression” thing whenever I take the damn meds.
Third, my youngest is about to graduate from high school. Holy moley, we are busy! There’s prom, jazz band competitions and Spring concerts, parties, the graduation itself, and then his birthday, all within the month.
All that coupled with Beltane this weekend, and it’s all I can do to keep my sanity!
So this weekend, I will be out in the woods, dancing ‘round the May pole and leaping balefires with my friends. I definitely need the get-away to recenter myself for next few months – it’s gonna be crazy busy! If you are able, I hope you can join us soon for one of our get-togethers.
There’s more to come!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
A Call To Pagan Activists
Well. Apparently, there is a need for Pagan activists again.
I spent a good fifteen years working mostly with local people and organizations to educate about Paganism and Wicca, explaining who we are and what we do. My goal was to help develop tolerance and foster a “live and let live” attitude with folks who didn’t understand Pagans. Mostly, I wanted to make sure my boys could grow up in a friendlier atmosphere than I did. Once they hit high school, I felt they were going to be ok and would be able to graduate without the crap I went through growing up. Achievement!
There have been several stories lately that have made me stop and wonder where all my work went. Here is the story of a woman fired because of her religion, which, last I knew was illegal. Her supervisors even stated in the termination letter that part of the problem was because she is a Witch! And here is a story from Daily Kos about an evangelical movement to “drive out the demons” in communities so they can destroy Witchcraft and anything that isn’t their brand of Christianity. Hooray for tolerance…..
I had hoped at this point in my life to continue working towards spiritual growth and teaching with my friends. It would seem I will be teaching – maybe part of my spiritual growth is in helping others to understand us and possibly achieve an attitude of tolerance, so we don’t get fired for our beliefs or have our lives threatened.
Seriously, I thought we were past this.
I spent a good fifteen years working mostly with local people and organizations to educate about Paganism and Wicca, explaining who we are and what we do. My goal was to help develop tolerance and foster a “live and let live” attitude with folks who didn’t understand Pagans. Mostly, I wanted to make sure my boys could grow up in a friendlier atmosphere than I did. Once they hit high school, I felt they were going to be ok and would be able to graduate without the crap I went through growing up. Achievement!
There have been several stories lately that have made me stop and wonder where all my work went. Here is the story of a woman fired because of her religion, which, last I knew was illegal. Her supervisors even stated in the termination letter that part of the problem was because she is a Witch! And here is a story from Daily Kos about an evangelical movement to “drive out the demons” in communities so they can destroy Witchcraft and anything that isn’t their brand of Christianity. Hooray for tolerance…..
I had hoped at this point in my life to continue working towards spiritual growth and teaching with my friends. It would seem I will be teaching – maybe part of my spiritual growth is in helping others to understand us and possibly achieve an attitude of tolerance, so we don’t get fired for our beliefs or have our lives threatened.
Seriously, I thought we were past this.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
...Run In Circles, Scream and Shout....
Ever have one of those days where you have a million things you want to say, and you just can’t seem to get it all into a single coherent thought process? Yeah, I’ve been having one of those weeks!
I’m getting ready for Beltane in about a month and a half. It’s been a while since I felt like I was up to the “big” celebration, and I’m glad to be able to bring the open celebration back to our area. For a long time, I felt like I couldn’t do anything on a spiritual level unless I had a Priest or some sort of male energy to help balance the work, but I’ve learned that I don’t need to have anyone else around in order to do the things I want to do. Sure, it would be nice to have a good Priest to help with rituals and teachings, but it’s not as necessary as I thought. So in all my flaky glory, I hope those of you that are planning to attend Beltane enjoy the little show I’m working on!
I’ve also been putting a lot of energy towards my belly dancing stuff lately. There’s a lot going on, and I’m totally loving all of it. Even with as much as I’m doing, I want to learn more, do more, dance more. I figure that’s got to be a good sign – otherwise I know I would be bored by now.
My study group, Oakshade Sanctuary, is doing very well. With every class, I see more cohesion and more growth. I hope that’s what everyone else is experiencing as well. That’s one thing that has always been very important to me – why bother sharing knowledge if it does no good? If folks were just showing up and not getting anything out of it, I wouldn’t keep doing this. But even as some people decide to move on, others come to learn, so I’ll keep going for as long as people want to keep attending. Next month will be two years that I’ve been running this study group. Maybe we should have a party….
The Interfaith Esoteric Fellowship Church is nearly done writing up articles for it’s bylaws. Pretty excited about that! There will be an interfaith service on April 9th at Middleworld Woods, so if you’re interested in attending, drop me a line and I’ll get you pointed in the right direction for that.
Hm…..is that everything?
I’m getting ready for Beltane in about a month and a half. It’s been a while since I felt like I was up to the “big” celebration, and I’m glad to be able to bring the open celebration back to our area. For a long time, I felt like I couldn’t do anything on a spiritual level unless I had a Priest or some sort of male energy to help balance the work, but I’ve learned that I don’t need to have anyone else around in order to do the things I want to do. Sure, it would be nice to have a good Priest to help with rituals and teachings, but it’s not as necessary as I thought. So in all my flaky glory, I hope those of you that are planning to attend Beltane enjoy the little show I’m working on!
I’ve also been putting a lot of energy towards my belly dancing stuff lately. There’s a lot going on, and I’m totally loving all of it. Even with as much as I’m doing, I want to learn more, do more, dance more. I figure that’s got to be a good sign – otherwise I know I would be bored by now.
My study group, Oakshade Sanctuary, is doing very well. With every class, I see more cohesion and more growth. I hope that’s what everyone else is experiencing as well. That’s one thing that has always been very important to me – why bother sharing knowledge if it does no good? If folks were just showing up and not getting anything out of it, I wouldn’t keep doing this. But even as some people decide to move on, others come to learn, so I’ll keep going for as long as people want to keep attending. Next month will be two years that I’ve been running this study group. Maybe we should have a party….
The Interfaith Esoteric Fellowship Church is nearly done writing up articles for it’s bylaws. Pretty excited about that! There will be an interfaith service on April 9th at Middleworld Woods, so if you’re interested in attending, drop me a line and I’ll get you pointed in the right direction for that.
Hm…..is that everything?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
It's Almost Here....
I am such a child of the warm summer months! Winter is nearly over, and I can feel myself becoming energized again to follow through on my projects. There are two of them that are near and dear to my heart.
The first “project” that I love is my belly dancing. It’s not so much a project as it is an obsession! I’ve always loved to dance, for as long as I can remember. Somewhere out there in the world is an old Super8 film from the late Sixties, maybe even 1970, of my little brother and myself dancing around the living room to music. Little brother’s legs were still pretty bowed (he was born somewhat bow-legged), so I would say I was around three or four at the time. So, yes, it’s been a life-long love affair, and I’m very glad to be dancing now with a wonderful bunch of ladies. I hope to dance until I just can’t move anymore.
The second project is, of course, my study group. We’ve been going strong for two years now, and I’m just so tickled! We’ve covered a lot of subjects, had some fantastic discussions, made great new friends and even weathered a few tough times together. As we’ve grown and learned, I feel it’s time to start working more towards personal spiritual growth. It’s fun to talk about Tarot cards and gemstones and test ourselves for psychic abilities, but I’m feeling a pull towards worship and communing with the Gods.
I have a course of study that I helped write several years ago. I’m going to take that material and use it as a base for a new course of study. I’ve learned a lot since I worked on the original course, and I want to share that in our studies. We have a wonderful opportunity to work together and become so much more than just a study group.
There is work to be done. If you feel so inspired, I hope you will join with us.
The first “project” that I love is my belly dancing. It’s not so much a project as it is an obsession! I’ve always loved to dance, for as long as I can remember. Somewhere out there in the world is an old Super8 film from the late Sixties, maybe even 1970, of my little brother and myself dancing around the living room to music. Little brother’s legs were still pretty bowed (he was born somewhat bow-legged), so I would say I was around three or four at the time. So, yes, it’s been a life-long love affair, and I’m very glad to be dancing now with a wonderful bunch of ladies. I hope to dance until I just can’t move anymore.
The second project is, of course, my study group. We’ve been going strong for two years now, and I’m just so tickled! We’ve covered a lot of subjects, had some fantastic discussions, made great new friends and even weathered a few tough times together. As we’ve grown and learned, I feel it’s time to start working more towards personal spiritual growth. It’s fun to talk about Tarot cards and gemstones and test ourselves for psychic abilities, but I’m feeling a pull towards worship and communing with the Gods.
I have a course of study that I helped write several years ago. I’m going to take that material and use it as a base for a new course of study. I’ve learned a lot since I worked on the original course, and I want to share that in our studies. We have a wonderful opportunity to work together and become so much more than just a study group.
There is work to be done. If you feel so inspired, I hope you will join with us.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Confiding
I have had trouble my entire life learning to open up to people and talk when something is bothering me. I keep a journal instead. It’s something that started when I was about twelve or thirteen when I was given the very clear message that my thoughts and feelings did not matter and I needed to keep it all to myself.
I’ve had several people tell me I need to learn to open up, including several counselors over the course of the years, and I have worked at it, even succeeded to a point. Unfortunately, I chose to trust the wrong person and a lot of very personal issues were twisted and used against me and I have since closed off all access again. So I do this – I blog, opening up tiny little bits here and there, trying to find some sort of connection that will allow me to be a little bit vulnerable without opening myself up for an all-out body slam of pain.
Well, it was brought up to me again recently that I really need to find someone to confide in and trust. Pretty tall order! Thirty years of telling myself no one wants to hear my crap is pretty heavily ingrained. As I’ve tried to tell folks before, I can’t just start talking and expect to be able to open up like that. I know everyone has problems, and I know everyone should be able to talk with someone about them, and I’m great at listening to other people, but I am lousy at doing it myself. That’s just pretty much how it is for me.
As I get older, I’m starting to consider what unrealistic expectations I need to release. Would I like to find someone I can trust like that? Sure. Do I have friends now I could trust? I’m sure I do, but like I said, everyone has problems. Gods know mine aren’t nearly as bad as some people, so why should I go around bothering other people with my trivial garbage?
So I guess all this means is, if I don’t tell you what’s bothering me, it’s not that won’t….I just can’t.
I’ve had several people tell me I need to learn to open up, including several counselors over the course of the years, and I have worked at it, even succeeded to a point. Unfortunately, I chose to trust the wrong person and a lot of very personal issues were twisted and used against me and I have since closed off all access again. So I do this – I blog, opening up tiny little bits here and there, trying to find some sort of connection that will allow me to be a little bit vulnerable without opening myself up for an all-out body slam of pain.
Well, it was brought up to me again recently that I really need to find someone to confide in and trust. Pretty tall order! Thirty years of telling myself no one wants to hear my crap is pretty heavily ingrained. As I’ve tried to tell folks before, I can’t just start talking and expect to be able to open up like that. I know everyone has problems, and I know everyone should be able to talk with someone about them, and I’m great at listening to other people, but I am lousy at doing it myself. That’s just pretty much how it is for me.
As I get older, I’m starting to consider what unrealistic expectations I need to release. Would I like to find someone I can trust like that? Sure. Do I have friends now I could trust? I’m sure I do, but like I said, everyone has problems. Gods know mine aren’t nearly as bad as some people, so why should I go around bothering other people with my trivial garbage?
So I guess all this means is, if I don’t tell you what’s bothering me, it’s not that won’t….I just can’t.
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