Done (as originally posted on Xanga)

Introspection is never easy, especially for someone that is supposed to be so outgoing. Well, I have my moments.

I’m at an age where I am ok with where I am, I’m pretty clear about what I want, and I don’t need people to tell me who my friends should be or how I should behave. Hell, I don’t even do that to my own boys. It’s very disheartening to know I’m still not considered “grown-up” enough to make my own decisions.

What will it take to have my own opinions considered valid? If I make a mistake, then it’s my mistake to make. God knows I have had the opportunity to make some really monumental mistakes - for instance, I refused to do any amateur porn, despite the almost constant urging of an ex-partner. I don’t do drugs, despite the ridicule of those around me for not partaking. I did not move my boys all over the country, even though I thought that was normal when I was growing up.

Everyone makes mistakes in their lives, some big, some small. I freely admit my latest screw-up was trusting someone when they told me we could see each other casually, then when it quite suddenly ended, I was told it wasn’t because of anyone else. It’s only because I want to trust people so badly - but there again, I often find myself making mistakes.

I’ve mentioned a couple of times in other places about “the rules.” There are unspoken and unwritten rules that we are expected to comply to and follow. So far, following the rules has done nothing but gotten me hurt and run over, again and again. So that’s enough of that crap. It seems like everyone expects me to behave, be the good girl, do all the right things, but those around me can do whatever they want and my expectations, my feelings just don’t matter. I’m done - whether or not my needs matter to anyone else but me, they will be met.

I’ve already taken some steps to figure out my true path - I feel better about myself. However, growth sometimes require trimming away the old bits so the new bits can get what they need. I am removing those parts of my life that are no longer healthy and I am allowing myself to experience the new parts of my life fully.

Time to move on.