How much do you feel comfortable sharing about your life? Me, I don’t care so much anymore. I’ve had my name (and more) dragged through the muck and mire, have had several people work pretty hard at discrediting me as any sort of an honorable person, been stabbed in the back more times than I can count – oh, it goes on and on. And I really just don’t care anymore.
So I’ve gotten to a point where sometimes I overshare. Sometimes I tell people more about myself than I probably should. Sometimes I express what I’m feeling when it would serve me much better to just keep my mouth shut and leave things as they are. But then, that’s just me. At least, it’s me right now. It was certainly me this past month.
I’ve mentioned before that I am on antidepressants. It’s just the way it is for me – I take the happy pills and I don’t do anything stupid or crazy. About a month and a half ago, I decided to try the mail-order service that my insurance offers. I sent in my brand new script and waited for them to fill it. When I got my prescription, I noticed that the brand of generic they used was different from any of the other brands I’d had previously. Didn’t think much of it -- until about three weeks into the new prescription.
When a person takes antidepressants, it generally takes anywhere from two to four weeks for them to notice a difference. When a person stops taking their meds, again, it takes about two to four weeks for all of the medication to get out of their system. Same for changes in prescription as well. And, as it turns out, it takes about the same amount of time to realize when a prescription just flat isn’t working anymore. I don’t know why, but for whatever reason, the brand that my insurance company sent had very little effect on me. I became severely depressed, couldn’t focus or concentrate, obsessed over the dumbest things and said things I really should not have said. To several people. Including the guy I was dating. Argh.
Well, I’m back on a brand of medication that works for me, and I’m doing much better. It’s only been a week, but my thoughts are much clearer and I’m in control of my actions and reactions again. Unfortunately, it’s too late to fix the damage that’s been done. I suppose the only good thing to come out of this is that it’s got me back into the counselor’s office to work on why I freak out so badly over feelings of affection. Well, that and I may well end up with at least gaining a new friend from the dating experience. Probably about all I’m good for at this point.
It is frustrating and somewhat distressing to me that I am having so many problems letting anyone get close to me – thus the counseling. But then, it’s just me, right? At least, it’s me right now…..
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