Well. Apparently, there is a need for Pagan activists again.
I spent a good fifteen years working mostly with local people and organizations to educate about Paganism and Wicca, explaining who we are and what we do. My goal was to help develop tolerance and foster a “live and let live” attitude with folks who didn’t understand Pagans. Mostly, I wanted to make sure my boys could grow up in a friendlier atmosphere than I did. Once they hit high school, I felt they were going to be ok and would be able to graduate without the crap I went through growing up. Achievement!
There have been several stories lately that have made me stop and wonder where all my work went. Here is the story of a woman fired because of her religion, which, last I knew was illegal. Her supervisors even stated in the termination letter that part of the problem was because she is a Witch! And here is a story from Daily Kos about an evangelical movement to “drive out the demons” in communities so they can destroy Witchcraft and anything that isn’t their brand of Christianity. Hooray for tolerance…..
I had hoped at this point in my life to continue working towards spiritual growth and teaching with my friends. It would seem I will be teaching – maybe part of my spiritual growth is in helping others to understand us and possibly achieve an attitude of tolerance, so we don’t get fired for our beliefs or have our lives threatened.
Seriously, I thought we were past this.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
...Run In Circles, Scream and Shout....
Ever have one of those days where you have a million things you want to say, and you just can’t seem to get it all into a single coherent thought process? Yeah, I’ve been having one of those weeks!
I’m getting ready for Beltane in about a month and a half. It’s been a while since I felt like I was up to the “big” celebration, and I’m glad to be able to bring the open celebration back to our area. For a long time, I felt like I couldn’t do anything on a spiritual level unless I had a Priest or some sort of male energy to help balance the work, but I’ve learned that I don’t need to have anyone else around in order to do the things I want to do. Sure, it would be nice to have a good Priest to help with rituals and teachings, but it’s not as necessary as I thought. So in all my flaky glory, I hope those of you that are planning to attend Beltane enjoy the little show I’m working on!
I’ve also been putting a lot of energy towards my belly dancing stuff lately. There’s a lot going on, and I’m totally loving all of it. Even with as much as I’m doing, I want to learn more, do more, dance more. I figure that’s got to be a good sign – otherwise I know I would be bored by now.
My study group, Oakshade Sanctuary, is doing very well. With every class, I see more cohesion and more growth. I hope that’s what everyone else is experiencing as well. That’s one thing that has always been very important to me – why bother sharing knowledge if it does no good? If folks were just showing up and not getting anything out of it, I wouldn’t keep doing this. But even as some people decide to move on, others come to learn, so I’ll keep going for as long as people want to keep attending. Next month will be two years that I’ve been running this study group. Maybe we should have a party….
The Interfaith Esoteric Fellowship Church is nearly done writing up articles for it’s bylaws. Pretty excited about that! There will be an interfaith service on April 9th at Middleworld Woods, so if you’re interested in attending, drop me a line and I’ll get you pointed in the right direction for that.
Hm…..is that everything?
I’m getting ready for Beltane in about a month and a half. It’s been a while since I felt like I was up to the “big” celebration, and I’m glad to be able to bring the open celebration back to our area. For a long time, I felt like I couldn’t do anything on a spiritual level unless I had a Priest or some sort of male energy to help balance the work, but I’ve learned that I don’t need to have anyone else around in order to do the things I want to do. Sure, it would be nice to have a good Priest to help with rituals and teachings, but it’s not as necessary as I thought. So in all my flaky glory, I hope those of you that are planning to attend Beltane enjoy the little show I’m working on!
I’ve also been putting a lot of energy towards my belly dancing stuff lately. There’s a lot going on, and I’m totally loving all of it. Even with as much as I’m doing, I want to learn more, do more, dance more. I figure that’s got to be a good sign – otherwise I know I would be bored by now.
My study group, Oakshade Sanctuary, is doing very well. With every class, I see more cohesion and more growth. I hope that’s what everyone else is experiencing as well. That’s one thing that has always been very important to me – why bother sharing knowledge if it does no good? If folks were just showing up and not getting anything out of it, I wouldn’t keep doing this. But even as some people decide to move on, others come to learn, so I’ll keep going for as long as people want to keep attending. Next month will be two years that I’ve been running this study group. Maybe we should have a party….
The Interfaith Esoteric Fellowship Church is nearly done writing up articles for it’s bylaws. Pretty excited about that! There will be an interfaith service on April 9th at Middleworld Woods, so if you’re interested in attending, drop me a line and I’ll get you pointed in the right direction for that.
Hm…..is that everything?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
It's Almost Here....
I am such a child of the warm summer months! Winter is nearly over, and I can feel myself becoming energized again to follow through on my projects. There are two of them that are near and dear to my heart.
The first “project” that I love is my belly dancing. It’s not so much a project as it is an obsession! I’ve always loved to dance, for as long as I can remember. Somewhere out there in the world is an old Super8 film from the late Sixties, maybe even 1970, of my little brother and myself dancing around the living room to music. Little brother’s legs were still pretty bowed (he was born somewhat bow-legged), so I would say I was around three or four at the time. So, yes, it’s been a life-long love affair, and I’m very glad to be dancing now with a wonderful bunch of ladies. I hope to dance until I just can’t move anymore.
The second project is, of course, my study group. We’ve been going strong for two years now, and I’m just so tickled! We’ve covered a lot of subjects, had some fantastic discussions, made great new friends and even weathered a few tough times together. As we’ve grown and learned, I feel it’s time to start working more towards personal spiritual growth. It’s fun to talk about Tarot cards and gemstones and test ourselves for psychic abilities, but I’m feeling a pull towards worship and communing with the Gods.
I have a course of study that I helped write several years ago. I’m going to take that material and use it as a base for a new course of study. I’ve learned a lot since I worked on the original course, and I want to share that in our studies. We have a wonderful opportunity to work together and become so much more than just a study group.
There is work to be done. If you feel so inspired, I hope you will join with us.
The first “project” that I love is my belly dancing. It’s not so much a project as it is an obsession! I’ve always loved to dance, for as long as I can remember. Somewhere out there in the world is an old Super8 film from the late Sixties, maybe even 1970, of my little brother and myself dancing around the living room to music. Little brother’s legs were still pretty bowed (he was born somewhat bow-legged), so I would say I was around three or four at the time. So, yes, it’s been a life-long love affair, and I’m very glad to be dancing now with a wonderful bunch of ladies. I hope to dance until I just can’t move anymore.
The second project is, of course, my study group. We’ve been going strong for two years now, and I’m just so tickled! We’ve covered a lot of subjects, had some fantastic discussions, made great new friends and even weathered a few tough times together. As we’ve grown and learned, I feel it’s time to start working more towards personal spiritual growth. It’s fun to talk about Tarot cards and gemstones and test ourselves for psychic abilities, but I’m feeling a pull towards worship and communing with the Gods.
I have a course of study that I helped write several years ago. I’m going to take that material and use it as a base for a new course of study. I’ve learned a lot since I worked on the original course, and I want to share that in our studies. We have a wonderful opportunity to work together and become so much more than just a study group.
There is work to be done. If you feel so inspired, I hope you will join with us.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Confiding
I have had trouble my entire life learning to open up to people and talk when something is bothering me. I keep a journal instead. It’s something that started when I was about twelve or thirteen when I was given the very clear message that my thoughts and feelings did not matter and I needed to keep it all to myself.
I’ve had several people tell me I need to learn to open up, including several counselors over the course of the years, and I have worked at it, even succeeded to a point. Unfortunately, I chose to trust the wrong person and a lot of very personal issues were twisted and used against me and I have since closed off all access again. So I do this – I blog, opening up tiny little bits here and there, trying to find some sort of connection that will allow me to be a little bit vulnerable without opening myself up for an all-out body slam of pain.
Well, it was brought up to me again recently that I really need to find someone to confide in and trust. Pretty tall order! Thirty years of telling myself no one wants to hear my crap is pretty heavily ingrained. As I’ve tried to tell folks before, I can’t just start talking and expect to be able to open up like that. I know everyone has problems, and I know everyone should be able to talk with someone about them, and I’m great at listening to other people, but I am lousy at doing it myself. That’s just pretty much how it is for me.
As I get older, I’m starting to consider what unrealistic expectations I need to release. Would I like to find someone I can trust like that? Sure. Do I have friends now I could trust? I’m sure I do, but like I said, everyone has problems. Gods know mine aren’t nearly as bad as some people, so why should I go around bothering other people with my trivial garbage?
So I guess all this means is, if I don’t tell you what’s bothering me, it’s not that won’t….I just can’t.
I’ve had several people tell me I need to learn to open up, including several counselors over the course of the years, and I have worked at it, even succeeded to a point. Unfortunately, I chose to trust the wrong person and a lot of very personal issues were twisted and used against me and I have since closed off all access again. So I do this – I blog, opening up tiny little bits here and there, trying to find some sort of connection that will allow me to be a little bit vulnerable without opening myself up for an all-out body slam of pain.
Well, it was brought up to me again recently that I really need to find someone to confide in and trust. Pretty tall order! Thirty years of telling myself no one wants to hear my crap is pretty heavily ingrained. As I’ve tried to tell folks before, I can’t just start talking and expect to be able to open up like that. I know everyone has problems, and I know everyone should be able to talk with someone about them, and I’m great at listening to other people, but I am lousy at doing it myself. That’s just pretty much how it is for me.
As I get older, I’m starting to consider what unrealistic expectations I need to release. Would I like to find someone I can trust like that? Sure. Do I have friends now I could trust? I’m sure I do, but like I said, everyone has problems. Gods know mine aren’t nearly as bad as some people, so why should I go around bothering other people with my trivial garbage?
So I guess all this means is, if I don’t tell you what’s bothering me, it’s not that won’t….I just can’t.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Collecting All The Pieces
I had a minor meltdown in January. It’s taken me a little while to figure what was going on, and I think I’ve got it sorted out now for the most part. I was drinking more than I needed to be, and doing things I knew I shouldn’t be doing, but doing them anyway. That coupled with what I’m sure were meant to be little white lies designed to protect me (or themselves) – it was all a very bad combination that got out of my control in an ugly way.
Now that I’ve had some time to pull my shit back together, I’ve been considering the legend of Inanna and her descent into the Underworld. A few of us talked about it a bit last night, and how her descent represents the stripping away of all that weighs us down and prepares us for initiation. Here is an excellent writing by Dan Sewell Ward that goes into more detail about the symbolism of death and rebirth as it applies to initiation. I find this particular version appealing because of the representation of Erishkegal as the dark half of Inanna and being the vessel for Inanna’s rebirth.
I’m not saying I’ve been through some great initiatory process and I’m all renewed now. I’ve gone through too many little emotional breaks over the years, and I know that’s just not the case, at least for me. But I have learned to take these lessons (as I see them) and learn something from them. Usually it’s something very personal that I won’t necessarily share with the rest of the world. However, with each bit that I learn about myself, the stronger I become, and at the same time I find joy in knowing there is still more to learn about myself.
To that end, here’s something I wrote last week:
“I’m not perfect. Far from it. I’m a little crazy, and when I drink too much, I’m a lot crazy. I’ve been hurt – by people I would have trusted with my life – until I realized my life didn’t mean that much to them. I’ve got issues, problems, just like everyone else. I have a real problem with intimacy. Not physical, but emotional. I can talk a good game, but when it comes right down to it, I’m terrified to open myself to another. I have a bad habit of trusting the wrong people – or maybe I’ve just been letting everyone get away with treating me like I don’t matter. I know I matter, and one day I hope to find someone that thinks I matter, too.
My heart’s been broken many times, but I think I have all the pieces now. I can finally say that no one has a tiny part of me anymore. It’s not without it’s flaws, but my heart is whole. I’m just now learning how to use it again.”
Now that I’ve had some time to pull my shit back together, I’ve been considering the legend of Inanna and her descent into the Underworld. A few of us talked about it a bit last night, and how her descent represents the stripping away of all that weighs us down and prepares us for initiation. Here is an excellent writing by Dan Sewell Ward that goes into more detail about the symbolism of death and rebirth as it applies to initiation. I find this particular version appealing because of the representation of Erishkegal as the dark half of Inanna and being the vessel for Inanna’s rebirth.
I’m not saying I’ve been through some great initiatory process and I’m all renewed now. I’ve gone through too many little emotional breaks over the years, and I know that’s just not the case, at least for me. But I have learned to take these lessons (as I see them) and learn something from them. Usually it’s something very personal that I won’t necessarily share with the rest of the world. However, with each bit that I learn about myself, the stronger I become, and at the same time I find joy in knowing there is still more to learn about myself.
To that end, here’s something I wrote last week:
“I’m not perfect. Far from it. I’m a little crazy, and when I drink too much, I’m a lot crazy. I’ve been hurt – by people I would have trusted with my life – until I realized my life didn’t mean that much to them. I’ve got issues, problems, just like everyone else. I have a real problem with intimacy. Not physical, but emotional. I can talk a good game, but when it comes right down to it, I’m terrified to open myself to another. I have a bad habit of trusting the wrong people – or maybe I’ve just been letting everyone get away with treating me like I don’t matter. I know I matter, and one day I hope to find someone that thinks I matter, too.
My heart’s been broken many times, but I think I have all the pieces now. I can finally say that no one has a tiny part of me anymore. It’s not without it’s flaws, but my heart is whole. I’m just now learning how to use it again.”
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Learning New Tricks
My email inbox is constantly inundated with “special messages, just for ME!” about how I can stay sexy forever, feel ten years younger, enlarge my…well, anyway – yeah, lots of junk aimed towards (mostly) a woman of my age. It’s my own fault. At times I get a little panicked and I will click on the ad that promises the Fountain of Youth, even though I know there’s probably just some sort of costly scam at the other end.
As a Pagan woman, I’m supposed to be ok with being mature, and I keep hearing about how forty is the new thirty, and we’re all so much healthier and feeling younger these days, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it. I’d love to be able to say I feel empowered and strong, but I don’t, really. I’ve done a few good things for the local Pagan community, and I hope to continue doing things for the Pagan community, but the truth of the matter is I know I could do more – I just haven’t.
When I was younger, I had this little dream about meeting someone that could work with me, side by side, be my partner and my Priest. So of course, the father of my boys is a Baptist. He’s a good guy – he’s even gone to a Pagan festival with me! – but he is Christian, and I would certainly never try to persuade anyone to change who they are. Over the years, I’ve gone through a string of potential possibilities, but apparently I’m just crazy enough that they’ve all run screaming into the night. After these past two years, I’ve made a decision….
It’s not gonna happen. As much as I would like to find someone like that, I’m really starting to believe that no such person exists. At all. All these years of meeting and dating while looking for this idealized mate could have been spent just doing what needed to be done for the community. I’ve always held the belief that no group, grove, coven, clan, whatever, could operate without having both Priest and Priestess, but it’s time to let that one go and get to work.
See, even though I’m older, I can still learn!
On another subject, I did go to Seymour to face down the Westboro Baptist Church. They never showed. I heard a rumor that they drove by, saw how many people showed up, and just kept on going. Fine by me!
As a Pagan woman, I’m supposed to be ok with being mature, and I keep hearing about how forty is the new thirty, and we’re all so much healthier and feeling younger these days, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it. I’d love to be able to say I feel empowered and strong, but I don’t, really. I’ve done a few good things for the local Pagan community, and I hope to continue doing things for the Pagan community, but the truth of the matter is I know I could do more – I just haven’t.
When I was younger, I had this little dream about meeting someone that could work with me, side by side, be my partner and my Priest. So of course, the father of my boys is a Baptist. He’s a good guy – he’s even gone to a Pagan festival with me! – but he is Christian, and I would certainly never try to persuade anyone to change who they are. Over the years, I’ve gone through a string of potential possibilities, but apparently I’m just crazy enough that they’ve all run screaming into the night. After these past two years, I’ve made a decision….
It’s not gonna happen. As much as I would like to find someone like that, I’m really starting to believe that no such person exists. At all. All these years of meeting and dating while looking for this idealized mate could have been spent just doing what needed to be done for the community. I’ve always held the belief that no group, grove, coven, clan, whatever, could operate without having both Priest and Priestess, but it’s time to let that one go and get to work.
See, even though I’m older, I can still learn!
On another subject, I did go to Seymour to face down the Westboro Baptist Church. They never showed. I heard a rumor that they drove by, saw how many people showed up, and just kept on going. Fine by me!
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Westboro Baptist is Comin' to Town!
Well, Ok, they're not coming to Springfield - evidently they are planning on protesting the funeral of a soldier from Seymour. I would like to go to Seymour and let WBC know what I think of their crappy protest, but I'm conflicted....
Yes, I believe in the right to peaceably assemble and protest - that's First Amendment stuff. However, I also believe in a family's right to grieve in peace, without having to deal with the three-ring-circus that is WBC. I believe in the freedom to worship and assign faith as we see fit, but I also believe Fred Phelps is a closet homosexual. Hey, it's a free country, and that's just my opinion!
I very much believe that WBC only does these protests as a way to garner attention and provoke assault - if you aren't familiar with Westboro Baptist Church (and I use the term "church" loosely here), it's made up mostly of members of the Phelps family - and most of them are attorneys. Here is a fantastic op-ed piece about Fred Phelps and his church. Pretty well sums up my opinion of their activities as well....which is why I'm having so much trouble trying to decide about this protest tomorrow.
Do I go? If I do, I show support for this man that gave his life in service to our country - where it's legal to protest his funeral. Conversely, if I go, it gives WBC what they want - attention and a possible lawsuit. They've succeeded in outraging enough people in this country that no matter where they go, they will be met by opposition. That just plays right into their little game. Most that counter-protest them have learned to keep silent and provide a barrier between them and whatever event they are protesting, and that's great - but I don't know that I could keep silent. I sincerely dislike WBC.
So I'm torn. What to do? I don't know. If we ignore them, I'm afraid they won't just go away, at least as long as Fred is alive. One day, yes, they will be gone, and we can live our lives again without their crazy neon signs with inflammatory slogans all over the place. I've been tracking these people for years, and the only good thing I can say is they are universally despised. And tomorrow, they will be despised in one of our own little Ozarks towns -- well, that is if they actually show.
Yes, I believe in the right to peaceably assemble and protest - that's First Amendment stuff. However, I also believe in a family's right to grieve in peace, without having to deal with the three-ring-circus that is WBC. I believe in the freedom to worship and assign faith as we see fit, but I also believe Fred Phelps is a closet homosexual. Hey, it's a free country, and that's just my opinion!
I very much believe that WBC only does these protests as a way to garner attention and provoke assault - if you aren't familiar with Westboro Baptist Church (and I use the term "church" loosely here), it's made up mostly of members of the Phelps family - and most of them are attorneys. Here is a fantastic op-ed piece about Fred Phelps and his church. Pretty well sums up my opinion of their activities as well....which is why I'm having so much trouble trying to decide about this protest tomorrow.
Do I go? If I do, I show support for this man that gave his life in service to our country - where it's legal to protest his funeral. Conversely, if I go, it gives WBC what they want - attention and a possible lawsuit. They've succeeded in outraging enough people in this country that no matter where they go, they will be met by opposition. That just plays right into their little game. Most that counter-protest them have learned to keep silent and provide a barrier between them and whatever event they are protesting, and that's great - but I don't know that I could keep silent. I sincerely dislike WBC.
So I'm torn. What to do? I don't know. If we ignore them, I'm afraid they won't just go away, at least as long as Fred is alive. One day, yes, they will be gone, and we can live our lives again without their crazy neon signs with inflammatory slogans all over the place. I've been tracking these people for years, and the only good thing I can say is they are universally despised. And tomorrow, they will be despised in one of our own little Ozarks towns -- well, that is if they actually show.
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