Sometimes, it takes a fair amount of
time before we find where we are supposed to be again. This past
week, I found a path I had been on some years ago and lost my way.
It was a path I was very happy with –
I knew who I was, I knew where I was going, and I knew what I wanted
out of life. I did not know an enemy and I felt love for all. I was
happy – truly happy. I was open to accepting all love from those
around me. Unfortunately, there was one who took advantage of that
and created some major chaos for me, but most folks know that story
already.
So here's my thoughts on my most recent
revelations: sometimes, just because you find where you're happiest,
it doesn't always mean you get to stay there. I found it, and it was
wonderful, but I had other lessons I needed to learn still. As
joyful as life was at that point, I knew I was about step off into
the abyss when I decided to make a life with someone new. A part of
me knew it wasn't going to be what I thought, but I'm good at
deluding myself. Off I went, spiraling through some pretty crazy and
unbelievable crap, and I came out on the other side. I learned a
great deal in that time, stuff I think I needed to learn. I'm
stronger, more cynical, but I have learned to really appreciate the
goodness in people and the joy in life when I find it.
And now I have found that love and
affection I had lost before. I feel like there's finally been a
chunk taken out of the wall that's been around my core. I feel like
I have the ability to give again. It was just a couple of years ago
that I pushed people away because I was afraid of hurting them –
I feel that it is no longer something to fear.
That by itself give me so much hope.
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