Question

So let’s say you’re a person working on a project and every time you turn around, something goes wrong with that project. A key person leaves or a scheduled work day go horribly awry, yet you keep plugging away at it, absolutely convinced that what you’re working on is worth all the aggravation.

At what point should you finally stop and say, “hey, this isn’t working out.”? How many whacks to the head should you take before you finally get it? Especially if you’re told time and again what a great big waste of time you’ve created?

There are a few people who believe in the project. They encourage you and help you at every turn and they give you hope that your project really is worth the time and effort. When you finally realize the futility of it all, what do you tell them?

And how do you find a new reason for living? After you’ve spent most of your life working on this project, when you realize its end, what is left?

Drawing a Bullseye

Well, Pagans in the Park got rained on. A lot. And from what I understand, there were statements made that celebrated the fact we were rained on. Apparently there are people out there who believe rain is enough to keep Pagans away. Honestly, I was surprised at the number of people that DID venture out into the rain, but I’m bothered by this knowledge that some would celebrate what they see as a failure for the community.

First of all, rain happens, and honestly we really needed it! It’s been incredibly hot and dry this past summer, so I know the rain was welcomed by many, many people around here. Second, there were a lot of events scheduled for this past weekend. This is the time of year for a lot of the smaller towns around here to celebrate harvest time, too, not to mention Cider Days for our own town of Springfield. Third, as Pagans, aren’t we supposed to enjoy the changes that the Mother brings?

Finally, there are some that will never ever want unity and harmony. They enjoy the drama and the chaos, and actively seek to drive wedges between as many Pagans as they can. You know who you are – so do we (“we” being my group – I’m not that full of myself!).

Oakshade Sanctuary is having a picnic in November. Nothing really over the top or anything. It’s just a chance for us all to get together before the weather gets really nasty and have a nice day in the park.

If you wish to view this as a failure, fine. I know several people have been trying to find some way to discredit me personally for a while now. Well, here ya go. Have fun with it. No point in being secretive anymore, is there?

The Occult and Being "PC"

oc·cult [uh-kuhlt, ok-uhlt] –adjective 1. of or pertaining to magic, astrology, or any system claiming use or knowledge of secret or supernatural powers or agencies. 2. beyond the range of ordinary knowledge or understanding; mysterious. 3. secret; disclosed or communicated only to the initiated. 4. hidden from view

I like to consider myself a student of the occult, but it’s really hard to call something “occult” when you lay everything about it on the table. Or better yet, those things that some might offensive you don’t show to anyone, but you also stop doing them altogether. And that is exactly what I did.

Way back when I first decided to become an advocate for Pagans and Wiccans, I looked at some of our practices and considered how strange some of it must look to those that weren’t raised Pagan – much like some Christian practices look strange to me. I wanted the general public to understand we weren’t a threat to them, but there were a couple (or more) little things in there that I knew people might seize upon and make some crazy accusations. I’ve seen it happen before, with disastrous results. So as a whole, a lot of Pagans and Wiccans kind of became “PC Pagans.”

I know, sad, and a little bit of a sell-out.

Again and again, I would hear stories about how “weird” this person or that person was, and wow, I’m glad not all Pagans are like that, and gee, you all seem so normal. There’s been very little magical workings in full robes around a fire in the dark of night. And you know what? I really, really miss that.

Jut a few years ago, I started looking around at what we had created in our effort to educate and shed a little light on who and what we are. Maybe we shed a little too much light. Maybe it’s time to take a step back and reclaim the shadows. Wicca and Paganism were never meant to be all white light and rainbows and sunshine. There is darkness, death, even war. As we begin to move into the dark part of the year, I believe we should all take a step back and see how out of balance we truly are.

I have a theory – we’ve spent so much time and energy on being Glinda the Good that we’ve totally turned our backs on what it is that helps us realize that which is good. Because of this, weird and strange energies have come into our community and created it’s own form of chaos and discontent. I’m not saying we need to become hate-mongers and start casting hexes on every ass that crosses our paths (tempting though it may be!). But welcome the shadows and the darkness. See them for what they are – a part of the Wheel. And while I still believe in working for tolerance among the general public, I feel very strongly that we need to reclaim the occult within our spirituality.

Samhain is coming…..this is a great time to renew and reconnect.

Oh, and just an fyi – I really dislike that whole “being politically correct” thing.

A Few Thoughts Before Pagans in the Park

Autumn has definitely made it’s presence known here in the Ozarks. The nights have been cooled off to the point of being chilly and the days are clear, wind-blown gems, the kind of day you reminisce about ten years later.

I’ve been busy working outside (finally!) and getting ready for Pagans in the Park. My, what a little hot-button topic for something that is supposed to bring people together! I’ve seen more animosity in just the past couple of weeks than I’ve seen around here for the entire previous year. It’s been a little discouraging, really. It’s this sort of infighting that has caused so much division within our community, and what’s really off-the-wall is that most of the anger and accusations have been coming from those that espouse working together and trying to repair the community!

I do appreciate it when people offer thoughts and advice on how to repair our damaged community. I’d love to see everyone sit down and talk about where it’s all gotten weird and try to pull it back together, but I truly believe that must be done with an open mind and a willingness to listen to EVERYONE’S ideas, not just one person’s. And I know there are a few out there who will say I’m not willing to listen to anyone else’s ideas but my own. I don’t really think that’s true. I still like the idea of trying to create some sort of truly interfaith organization. I’m very much open to anyone else wanting to organize a gathering or a study group that would truly be available to the community as a whole.

The only thing that I think would help with these ideas is if they are done in the spirit of true healing and togetherness, and not out of revenge, jealousy or an attempt to create elitism. Bringing an idea to a public forum generally indicates it’s something for everyone, not just a select few. When I do create a public event, there is almost always someone there I don’t really get along with, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to have them removed or intimidate them into leaving. Just because I have a problem with someone doesn’t mean I get to dictate how everyone else around me deals with them. That’s part of being a mature individual.

I remember a time when everyone around here decided we could get along and we would just agree to disagree. Live and let live. We could come together once or twice a year for big, public events, then go home and teach, practice, worship as we saw fit and not bother to stick our noses into anyone else’s business. That’s all I want. That’s why I keep doing this gathering in September. I’d like to see us return to that one day. Soon.

Please come to Pagans in the Park – September 17th from noon to five p.m. at Fassnight Park. It’ll be a good day – let’s make it a great day.

Dancing the Divine

I love to dance. I’ve been dancing for as long as I’ve been able to walk. I’ve taken classes, worked with instructional videos, tried to copy what I see on TV and generally just made a fool of myself over the years. But I love it. It’s like a visual expression of what music feels like in my soul.

Besides dancing just because I love it, I also very much enjoy using it as an expression of joy in ritual or during a drumming at a Pagan festival. I was twelve the first time I discovered leaping around a bonfire to the drumbeat of several dozen slightly frenzied Pagans – it was amazing! I felt connected to the Gods through the movement of my body. It was a very primal feeling to be lit only by the fire, moving to the drums, surrounded by other dancers and people sitting in a circle around us, swaying to the beat. Pretty heady stuff for a twelve year old, but it certainly confirmed my love for dance, not to mention giving me an opportunity to connect with the Gods.

I’ve been attending festivals for years and years now, and at night you will always find me by the fire, weaving through the dancers. In recent years, as I’ve been studying tribal belly dance, I’ve seen a lot of opportunity to use what I’ve been learning as a way to deepen my connection, not only with the Gods and Goddesses but with the Divine Feminine. For me personally, it’s been a great help.

I’ve often had trouble with being a woman. Not that I don’t want to be a woman – I love who I am! I have trouble relating with the feminine in general. It’s like a part of me is afraid to embrace all the power that being a woman carries with it. Up until a couple of years ago, I always avoided attending any sort of Women’s Mysteries because I managed to convince myself it wasn’t necessary for me to connect with that part of my being. I thought it would be dividing the whole of who we are supposed to be. Boy, was I wrong! It really opened my eyes and helped me to realize it is possible to be feminine and very much a woman without being the evil bitch, the judgmental harpy, the feminazi or any of the other terrible stereotypes we’re constantly being told we are. And I tend to think a lot of my ability to open my mind up to understanding the feminine is due to learning belly dance. It’s given me a safe place to be myself, without fear of judgment or ridicule. I have friends in my troupe and yes, they are like sisters.

I’ve only begun to learn these things. I’ve got a long way to go, but one of the beautiful things about spirituality is there will always be something new to learn. It’s a lot like dance – there’s always something new, something to challenge me and stretch me beyond my limitations. And for me, the two will always be deeply connected.

Act Locally

It’s time to start a new round of discussions in my study group. We’ll be getting together this coming Sunday, and we’ll be kicking off with ethical behavior within the Pagan community. It’s something that apparently doesn’t get enough attention. I would like to think that, as Pagans, we would be above behaving badly, but we are all human, and I know everyone makes mistakes from time to time. However, that doesn’t forgive outright deception.

That’s the thing that bugs me the most – people who call themselves Pagan and they go out of their way to cause trouble for others. Then they turn around and cry “foul!” when they get busted for it. One person in particular decided this area didn’t have any true Pagans when they were found to be misleading a large portion of the community and got caught. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I am guilty of being naïve and wanting to believe everyone really wants to be good and kind. And I would think Pagans would be the most trust-worthy of all the people I know. Yeah -- not so much.

So we will be discussing ethics – again. I am hoping we can touch on what it means to truly attempt to bring a community together and how damaging it is when just one or two people decide to take control through dishonesty and slander. I really think that’s the main problem with our community around here -- one person or one group will decide they know what’s best for everyone, and will go out of their way to gain control. What I have seen, more often than not, is an attempt at discrediting anyone in the community deemed a threat to their grand plan, thus creating a void in any local leadership. Like we have any local leadership around here….. Anyway, I’ve seen it more than once. I don’t understand it. And every time it happens, it splinters our community just a little more.

I sure would like to see us coming together instead of moving apart.

Let me pose this question to the general public – what could we do to bring our community together? What would help to heal instead of making the wound bigger? Can we find common ground, and if so, how do we do it?

I welcome your comments. Please understand, I am very serious about this.

Being Human

I’m a news junkie. I check news websites several times a day and try to keep up with what’s going on in the world. A lot of times I’m left stunned, shaking my head, trying to understand why people behave like they do. I realize I’ll never understand it, but still, what makes people do the things they do sometimes? And why do so many refuse to acknowledge the humanity of others around them?

My biggest confusion comes from war and all it’s atrocities. I will never, ever, ever understand the reasoning behind creating demons and boogie men out of people different from ourselves. I will never understand how killing and maiming and raping is supposed to make the world a better place. I’ve often referred to war as “who has the biggest dick” syndrome, but I know it’s much more complicated than that – politics, religion, boundaries, resources – fighting and insisting that there is only ONE correct answer for whatever conflict has arisen. It solves nothing and creates pain and grief for thousands, often millions.

And it’s just stunning how cruel we can be to one another in wartime. Every day I read stories about the horrifying things that are done to men, women,…..children. I understand the human mind is capable of doing amazing feats by shutting down certain emotional centers such as fear or sadness, but to be completely devoid of all concern or care for another human being….quite frankly, that just scares the crap out of me. It’s almost as if war turns soldiers in to psychopaths.

I understand soldiers are basically just “doing a job,” but someone sent them to do that job. Someone in a position of power sent these people to do these inhumane acts and destroy fellow humans in order to uphold a position deemed “correct.” The U.S. sends soldiers to the Middle East to stop terrorists from blowing up cafes and embassies because it’s deemed the correct thing to do. At the same time, terrorists are blowing up cafes and embassies because they believe that’s the right thing to do. (Please note – I am not condoning violence as an answer to ANYTHING.) In either case, someone is pulling the strings, making the decisions, pushing these people to go out and do these things in the name of something or someone placed on a pedestal.

I do know that soldiers are trained to take orders and not think for themselves. Pretty handy. Works well with the general masses, too. Teach them to believe one thing, hate everything else that’s different and only listen to what this one person over here has to say. So when someone new comes along and says, “hey, I’ve got this other thing I’d like to present,” they are guaranteed to get attacked.

I do wish more people could open their minds to the differences between us all. We can agree to disagree and still live side by side. Just because you don’t like cheddar cheese, and I think it’s the bomb, that doesn’t mean I get to kick your ass for it. If your car is better than mine, then it’s not ok for me to punch you out and take your car. We have got to do a better job of showing compassion for each other. How else are we gonna live here together?